I received an email a few years ago that had me and all of my 20 something young professional post-bra burning friends all up in arms.  A bullet pointed list of rules for a young female to follow who aspired to be the consummate wife/mother/whore for her husband....when she grew up.

You may be familiar with the article from Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May, 1955 entitled "How to Be a Good Wife" as well.

I chuckled when I first read it, thinking it's clearly satire.  However, the notion that someone, all way the back in 1955, was drop dead heart attack don't step on a crack or it'll break your momma's back Serious provoked a furrowed brow and a click of the forward button on my email.

"Read this shit!  I'd never do this crap.  You can be a good wife without being a complete doormat! Right ladies?" was the message that was sent along with the most absurd article I'd ever seen...okay, I'm being dramatic but it was pretty awful or so I thought then.


Fast forward a few years and I sit here, 33 years old, in my first relationship that may actually lead to marriage and I run across this article again.  But instead of scoffing and eyerolling, I actually ask myself....what if this works?

See, my relationship has had the usual ups and downs with a little present day drama thrown in for good measure but what I know for a fact that my boyfriend and I clash about is POWER.  I've been so used to taking care of myself, keeping my business in order, traveling the world, holding down coveted/glamorous positions in professional sports and generally doing me..ALL BY MYSELF.

So imagine my...*ahem* difficulty when this wonderful, loving man comes along who is a full blown SCORPIO that likes to be in charge, the king of his castle, crazy confident, and is used to taking every bit of care of his woman.

Cook dinner every night? *eye roll* What?! Can't we just make a reservation??

  Wash your boxers? *eyeroll* Uh..wash your own damn boxers! 

Hot crazy stupid all inclusive* sex every night?????  But, baby, I'm tired..*whines*

Walk around the house in thong underwear and my titties sitting up in a push bra for your viewing enjoyment?  But my night shirt and pink fuzzy happy face socks are so much more comfortable!


Yeah...something like that.

Of course this hasn't been easy for me or him and believe it or not, it's actually causing some real drama.  So after months of petty arguments and other dumb shit that is threatening my relationship with this wonderful man, I have decided to become a Good Wife, err girlfriend,  according to Housekeeping Monthly circa 1955.

I have pledged that starting today, I will not only follow the rules outlined in said article but have thrown a few extra line items in there for spice's sake.

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dust cloth over the tables.
• Make the area in front of the flat screen snuggly and comfortable complete with his favorite beer and snacks for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
• Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum.
• Be happy to see him.
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
• Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
• Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
• A good wife always knows her place.
• Wear thong underwear and push up bra around the house as lounge wear.
• Have crazy passionate all inclusive sex with him every single day. All inclusive meaning blow jobs, any position he likes complete with toys/oils/lube ect.  Basically, his complete and total FREAK.  

I, Miss Amazing, hereby swear from this 2nd day of November 2012 until November 12, 2012 that I will follow each of these rules exactly as they are outlined in the article.  I will give a detailed overview of each day and the effects of the rules on our home life.


Now...will it be roast and potatoes for dinner or chicken and green beans?


I'll be back with Day 1 Update...

-Miss Amazing